Postpartum [Part II]: A balancing act

Raw + real moment captured by my mom. New parent life at its finest.
Postpartum, breastfeeding, mother/fatherhood all require more teamwork than we anticipated. 

NOTE Postpartum is a topic that seems silent much like the topic of infertility. So, I'm going to be real, raw, and hold nothing back. This journey is not all glamorous nor is it easy. But, the real beauty is the gift from God. Reader’s discretion advised. Everyone’s recovery is different and therefore, what I share is my experience; however, I would hope that I can help some new mom-to-bes feel a little more prepared or at least have some tools on hand to trial. No matter how many moms we talk to or watch through the process, postpartum and motherhood is something that can’t be understood until you face it and live it. 

Postpartum Mess
The weather was so nice our first weekend home that I was ready to go for a walk. We attempted a walk and I couldn’t make it past a few minutes of walking. Now, I understand why for 6-weeks new moms are told not to exercise or take long walks, and I was even told not to do anything around the house (by many). Now, I know why. There is something called a postpartum doula that I began to hear about. It’s when a parent or someone stays at the house with the new moms (or moms in general) while the dads work. It’s not because you’re taking care of a new life. It’s because we are physically not able and we can do ourselves more harm than good. I learned why Buy Buy Baby has parking up front for “Pregnant and Newborn moms” because new moms don’t get handicap tags, but they are temporarily handicapped. I would get dropped off at the front door every stop when running errands. Every time I’d get out or walk around in public, I could only wonder how many people would get annoyed because a woman was walking slower than a turtle or bowed-legged or taking more than a few seconds to get in/out of the car. Or why I would be riding an electric cart in Target next to my husband pushing our newborn son. Our postpartum mess is invisible much like some disabilities are invisible. I would only hope that people have respect and patience for anyone who has an invisible disability. 

Feeding breaks during daily outings.
I only ran into one thing.

All through pregnancy, I never got emotional. My hormones didn’t feel off balance. In fact, my husband thought I didn’t even have pregnancy hormones because I didn’t fit the typical pregnancy symptoms of food cravings/aversions, mood changes, crying episodes, etc. However, postpartum I may have lost control of my emotions and escalated into tears a few times. I blame my butthole for a couple of the episodes. It brought on so much pressure and I felt like I was only tearing through my stitches and still felt like a prolapse butthole. I couldn’t walk or even sit long without feeling like my insides were falling out below. I would be out running errands and have to sit down every few minutes. At home, I couldn’t sit very long, not even to breastfeed and lost it a few times in tears, whining, “who has a melt down over their butthole?” My husband would (voluntarily) be on the hunt for ice pads and bought me every brand of cooling modality for my bottoms because everything still felt so swollen and my butthole felt like it was falling out or apart (I share my favorite postpartum pain relief modality below). Each week the pressure lessened, but I would sadly realize how I don’t have control over my bodily functions. Air would escape sometimes when I stood up or while standing even in public and around friends so I’d warn my friends, “sorry, but I can’t control my butthole.” At 5-6 weeks I still didn’t have control! At one time, we were sitting in the mall enjoying a latte and relaxing when I suddenly had the urge to go to the bathroom. I thought I was getting ahead of the game until we started walking towards the bathroom (which felt like miles away) because something was about to exit! I was not only losing control of my sphincter.  I started laughing, gripped my husband’s arm with all my might and attempted speed-walking with stiff legs all while laughing more. My husband was slightly embarrassed and I felt I was about to be embarrassed, but thankfully made it to the toilet bowl! We saw so many pregnant women out that night while Christmas shopping and I wanted to inform them or warn them of this thing called postpartum. This chain reaction also occurred at home in the middle of changing our baby. I rushed his naked bottom, fussy cries to the bathroom with me just so I could relieve the pressure! It was like a ticking time bomb!

My other meltdown was pretty rational. I experienced a little anxiety instilling fears such as falling or tripping while carrying my baby. Well, at one point, I did take a hard fall down the steps (WITHOUT baby)! My husband did the same 1 week before I delivered my baby…nearly sent me into labor (I wish). Like him, I somehow missed the last 2 steps and went down hard on my elbows, stomach, and knees. Sure, it hurt and I spent a few seconds in shock, thinking I couldn’t move. Then I sobbed…uncontrollably. My husband was juggling a crying baby and came over to investigate the loud crash while our dog was licking the tears off my face. He helped me up and I just cried on his shoulder admitting my fear of having a baby in my arms when things like this happen. Then he said it was good I wasn’t pregnant. My fear was too close to reality and I carry this fear around often. Due to my history of anxiety, my other worry was post-partum depression and I expressed this to my doctor. Apparently, mom-to-bes can start taking meds prior to delivery to prevent falling into the darkness. Knowing I had a good support system, I trusted my husband to pick up on any abnormal patterns because I’m not one to jump to medications for first line of defense. I can see how moms fall into the darkness for we are set on replay every 1.5-2 hours EVERYday! Hence, why I got out almost EVERYday while keeping our baby protected. Even if my bottom felt super uncomfortable, I got out. There were even a couple of warmer days that I took our dog and baby for a walk and gradually increased my time and distance. If it weren’t for these outings, I’m fairly certain I’d be in trouble because being cooped up during our winter storm for a few days, I could feel the grayness settling in. Moms, make time for some fresh air and don’t be afraid to talk about how you feel especially to your spouse, family member, a friend, or doctor. 

Motherhood and Fatherhood
The first week home I requested family time while my husband was off. We were able to spend quality time together before he headed back to work. He took over my mom’s duties and had me focus completely on taking time for myself and take care of our baby while he did all the chores, cooking, etc. His time off worked perfectly. Solely, because our little boy stuck with his arrival plans so he scheduled off from his due date through the following week. My husband even gave our son instructions while he was in my womb telling him he couldn’t come before the 7th of November. He exceeded beyond my expectations of fatherhood and being the caregiver of his wife. He was also my chauffer. We went out EVERY day to avoid the pit of depression. We needed fresh air all while keeping our baby safe away from lots of people. We kept him covered in his pumpkin seat and avoided crowded times at the malls and stores. 

My captain + co-captain.
Waking up to this...simply reminded me how much God has
blessed me with this amazing crew. 




Motherhood for me consisted of the baby being my top priority. Took me a while to figure that out though. I’ve seen so many friends and family members mother like a pro and always had high respect for my mom mothering 4 of us kids throughout life. I always thought moms were amazingly talented, skilled, multi-taskers, and supermoms especially those with a newborn or pregnant with a toddler or more kids at home. But, I never truly understood motherhood until I faced it, until I experienced it. It felt like I was a wimp compared to all the other moms! I really felt the lack of skill set after my husband went back to work and my mom left. I didn’t realize how much she was a help until she left. She cooked all the meals, kept the house tidy, held the baby, and drove me around for errands. Being home alone with a baby and a dog was quite life altering. I remember thinking I could get things done while my baby was sleeping. Nope, not true! Many people would tell me to nap, nap, nap while I could. That rarely happened; however, I did crash once while my mom was around and my husband gave me no choice but to nap (in the bedroom without a phone) when he had the baby one day while home from work. He could hear my exhaustion without me even saying so. At times he was home or even when he arrived home from work, he’d take over and allowed me to have my “me” time. A time I would take a shower or soak in the tub. Ladies, soaking does amazing wonders for your lady parts especially while healing. Between feedings and while baby was napping (which is not much time especially if you have to soothe them to sleep), I would start projects that would take an entire week to finish, for example…laundry. The washer would get started but the dryer would get started the next day and the folding would take place in phases. And it’s true, you may never finish your coffee or reheat it several times throughout the entire day (and still not finish it)! I couldn’t eat breakfast until lunch and lunch until late afternoon because I would choose organizing, running errands, or getting projects completed over life necessities: eating, sleeping, and hygiene. First came baby, then came to-do lists!

Me time + fussy baby...soaking in tub.
It's a win-win. 
Crashed. My mom found me resting, finally.



Breastfeeding
Feeding baby was an added challenge. Since I got breastfeeding started, I was determined to continue and wanted to keep trying until we’re told it’s not working. This was a full-time (24-hour) job added to mommyhood. Once again, I’m thinking about those moms with additional little ones at home or moms who go back to work full-time. Once I started pumping after 4 weeks, I began to get more anxious thinking about how am I going to breastfeed AND pump AND keep up milk supply?! How does this work?! I was only going back to work part-time and stressed about how to coordinate finding a nanny in time, when I would breastfeed versus when would I pump and when do I have the nanny feed?! I started out pumping after breastfeeding in the morning to at least get a supply in stock. It wasn’t much and I often got concerned our baby wasn’t getting enough. However, he was still pooping and peeing more than what the book would say. Anytime, I had questions or concerns, I’d flip through my two books (listed in the resources below) or call the doctor rather than go to the internet. It was less overwhelming. Plus, he was gaining weight…another positive sign. According to my smart milestone book, it takes about 6-12 weeks before the milk comes in a little more consistently. In addition, when babies start sleeping through the night, it’s a great time to stock up on your liquid assets. 

Since we went out daily, we’d go out between breastfeedings; however, the first week, I’d breastfeed in the car if we were out longer than 2-3 hours. We got very lucky that our baby sleeps well at night but the day time was more testing. We would have to wake him for feedings nightly and he graduated to feeding every 4 hours through the night at 2 weeks, but that meant more daytime feedings. He was fussy during the day requiring more boob time and less in between time for projects and self-care. At 2 weeks postpartum, my entire family was in town for my brother’s birthday and I wanted to bake. So, I baked a pumpkin pie and a yummy chocolate cake. This is when my husband discovered he was out of the honeymoon phase and would say, “baby’s hungry and what are you doing baking?!” Well, my determination and the mommy multi-tasking skills I didn’t think I had, kicked in…I was able to master feeding a hungry baby on my boob AND baking! How I did both, have no clue so don’t ask me for tips. I did learn that a lot of moms wear a sling around the house during the day to be hands free. We purchased 2 swings to try out to hopefully have a little more quiet time and hands free. I was convinced our baby would like the traditional swing, forward and backward motion as opposed to the fancy, hi-tech machines such as the MamaRoo. But, since we scored a MamaRoo for $127 (reg $250) on Black Friday, it was worth a shot and that’s what our baby liked (at least for a little while). Apparently, hospitals also use this machine! We avoided purchasing or registering for a lot of the fancier things such as swings because we weren’t sure what our baby would like. Gift cards are nice for that reason. 

Nursing + baking...don't ask how I did this.
Each day, I encounter a new set of
challenges leaving me little room to slow down
+ absorb the presence. But, I always feel His presence.
(photo credit: Heather Roth)





















All the other chaos
It didn’t take long for me to learn that moms should always pack an extra set of clothes when going out with baby. I’ve heard of the spit up stories and the ones being sprayed by pee pee, but I didn’t think a few days postpartum, I’d have my first pee pee spray…in the car! This occurred right before heading into Target and I felt like I was the wet diaper since it got all over my new coat and landed in the crotch of my pants…perfect! I also never heard of the poop explosion stories. I’ve heard of diaper blowouts but never did I expect to have a blowout on me, our new chair, and floors during a diaper change. This also happened while changing him in the bed between night feedings. Those big blue bed pad covers (the ones you get in the hospital) are great for night changing because you can cover yourself and the bed while changing the diaper then toss it! 

New parenthood life combined with postpartum recovery is a balancing act. It’s a daily learning process that requires patience for developing multi-tasking parenting skills. Thankfully, his big furry brother has been good to us all and hasn’t brought on a lot of additional stress. We continue to make sure we give him attention, play with him, take him out, and I even take him along with us for errands. He has gained some weight for we aren’t able to go for runs yet and our backyard is a muddy mess preventing him from his daily energy release since we are prepping for some fun next summer…a pool. For the new mommy-to-be, the new little baby in your arms may continue to feel like a stranger or feel like it’s not your baby. They may prevent you from daily self-care and drain you to exhaustion, but they will continue to bring you joy and motherhood will naturally take over. Make time to get out (with caution) and force yourself for “me” time. Even if it’s just soaking in the tub for a short period while someone is there to help or while baby is sleeping next to the tub in a safe place like a DockATot. Even if you have to reach over and sneak that paci back in or gently rock his little portable sleeper. Accept that things won’t be perfect and your schedule may be chaotic. Expect the unexpected and that things are perfectly imperfect. 


Reflecting back to when he was an embryo...
Every good gift + every perfect gift is from above ~ James 1:17



Some of my favorite postpartum modalities 
(click on highlighted products to access more info):

Postpartum products I trialed...reviews written below.

Frida Mom Postpartum Recovery Kit: there is an entire postpartum kit which has almost everything you need. My favorite from the kit are the ice pads and the cooling pads. 

Always Boutique Underwear: my husband calls these the Victoria’s Secret of the postpartum undies. This replaces the mesh panties and giant pads all in one however, the mesh panties are probably more comfortable, just doesn’t stay on well especially if you have an ice pad placed inside. Almost feels as if you’re a toddler walking with a loaded diaper. 

Perineal Ice pads: there are several brands however, the gel ice pads probably last the longest but can be uncomfortably too cold at first. Almost feels like a frost bite on the lady parts (ouch). The other ice pads feel great but do not last as long and makes your undies fall down due to the weight. They are also uncomfortable to walk in and cannot be worn in public for sure unless you’re okay with looking like you pooped your pants! The perineal gel ice pads are reusable and can be used for multiple aches and pains. 

Hospital bed pads: not only great for postpartum drainage especially the first week at home in case the pads don’t hold up overnight. The disposable ones are great for night diaper changes. 

Spray bottle (provided by hospital) and/or bidet: I wasn’t crazy about using our bidet before but now, I LOVE the bidet! It’s especially great for after pooping especially if your butthole was affected like mine. Spray bottle feels great on the repair area of the tear. Note: before considering a bidet, an electrical outlet is required behind the toilet. 

Tucks: It is what it says it is…tuck it between the butt cheeks! Warning, do not flush, throw in the trash because they can stop up your septic system. 

Organizer bin next to the toilet: I had all my postpartum toolkit in a organizer bin next to the toilet within reach. This can be a simple clear open container found at The Container Store or Bed Bath and Beyond or make it look pretty by using a basket container. 


Soaking tub: Great for days to soak your bottoms with warm to hot water, mild soap and filled up to the top of the thighs. No need to bathe in it…just soak. So soothing!

Potty Squatty Stool: That first poop is scary and brings anxiety, but after that first one, not so bad and not so scary especially if you have a squatty potty to prop up your feet. It’s how they poop in Asia and much healthier way to poop! Note: some are made at the standard 7” and 9” heights. 

Breast Gel PadsNipple protector: Lansinoh are my favorites but only last 72 hours. They feel like cooling pads which feels good. They stick longer but get kind of dirty and messy if not changed out. It would be expensive to cover every day but the nipple protector can be used more often and just need a good rinse or cleaned with warm soapy water. Lansinoh also makes reusable breast cooling gel pads. 

Donut seat cushion: I bought 2 different ones to test out and ended up using one in the car and one at home. Initially, I couldn’t imagine this helping but it does relieve some pressure off the healing parts. 

Books
Both are easy to read and offer great tips and full of resourceful info such as how long can breast milk sit out, when to freeze, developmental milestones, and more. Even if you don’t read them page by page, it’s okay…they are simply a good reference to look up any questions you may have along the beginning of your new motherhood journey. 


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