Riding the waves of motherhood

As I journey through this new, added life adventure called motherhood, I’m literally riding the waves. Losing my balance and crashing down some days and getting back up to ride out the big monstrous wave with confidence another day. Sometimes it’s all in one day. This adventure requires perseverance (NEVER give up!), strength, FAITH (believe in yourself!), unconditional love, a competition with yourself and a mentality of trusting your gut (and God) and sometimes a punch in the gut! All the things I face as an athlete and now…as a mom.

All in one day...would not allow me to step away to plant a few flowers.

Motherhood + Quarantine Life
Note, I cannot relate to all moms but this is my experience of new mommy life under “stay at home” orders. Being home with an infant who is not quite mobile yet and relies 100% on a caregiver FULL time (24/7)…is HARD! But then, I think about all the other moms. Those who have multiples (whether the same age or various ages) and additional challenges on top of the multiple hats they already wear all while working from home, working the front lines, or simply mastering being a single mom. I also think about those that have not met their families yet with a newborn or infant. For at 6 months, our little guy still hasn’t met one of his grandmothers and aunts/uncles/cousins. We were trying to ride out the flu/RSV season and then COVID_19. Although, with my 93-year old Pee Paw hanging onto life right before COVID spiraled out of control, we pushed past the fear of flu season and took the chances for Solomon to meet his great-grandfather (who shares his birthday) and attended his funeral.

A secret conversation between him and his great-grandfather, Pee Paw.
Finally met the wisest man we've ever known, his first visit with Pee Paw.

Just as flu season was wrapping up, we made it out for our first little family vacation for baseball spring training in Florida. Unfortunately, the games got canceled 2 days before our turn to hit the stadium. Corona was rapidly kicking in towards the end of our stay and all the beaches were closing the day we left. As nervous as I was going back home, the only thing I knew to do was pray and not let fear rob us from enjoying the remainder of our first vacation with our Solomon. And we did just that.

This was supposed to be Solomon's 2nd visit to spring training
(first time was inside the womb 1 year ago), so we gave him a tour of the stadium. 

We already had scheduled to fly out to see more family and my best friend in April. But again, Corona was growing in popularity across the country threatening all to stay home. And we did. The first couple weeks were rough. We decided to try sleep training while both my husband and I were off. We called our bedroom upstairs a “hotel” trying to make it less daunting. We took turns putting him to bed multiple times a night. We finally got him to sleep with two wake times and moved back into our master after about 3 weeks. Then we hit another rough patch. The waves were at its peak some days and other days, easier to ride out (never easy but easIER). I felt fortunate, blessed to have not only a husband home with me but a partner in crime. He rode the waves with me and made it manageable. We took turns on baby duty and I even had some “me” time to run, workout, clean house, shower, soak in the tub, work, and more. He had time to do LOTS of DIY projects and saved us TONS of cash (from installing outdoor ceiling fans, wiring for security cameras, to painting and more)! He didn’t want the quarantine life to end and say, “I got nothing done.” Or think about what all he could’ve done during this 8-week quarantine period. As we came close to an end of the quarantine period, we started to notice a regression in sleep training and I noticed some abnormal patterns or behaviors in our little boy. He would break out in hives all over his face, head, and neck during breastfeeding and only had very few minutes of happy playtime. On the other hand, we just kept thinking he’s a baby. Of course, they don’t sleep and they cry a lot. That’s normal, or so we thought. The break out on the face and the outbursts of screams were enough to call and ask for the pediatrician’s help. From there, we were to try something different. I went 100% dairy free, started him on hypoallergenic formula (Alimentum) and avoided solids until his 6-month check-up. We felt like we hit the jackpot when he was playing for an hour all by himself without fussing and started to sleep better! Then I got worried he was sleeping too much! It was suspected he has colitis from a milk protein allergy. At one point I thought it’d be okay to breastfeed him a couple times a day after a week being dairy free and wasn’t long enough. He turned into this fussy kid again…too soon. After 2 weeks with an adjustment in our diet, he was happy and eating!

Before and after panting one of the rooms in the basement.
Before and after a HUGE 2-week clean, organize, and purge fest!


Motherhood Highs
As my husband went back to work, I hit another wall as a mother. It was like my son suddenly knew his dad was no longer home with us all day anymore. He refused naps, he cried, and refused to let me do ANYthing even while he was sitting in front of me. Making me practically look like a liar when trying to explain to my husband how hard it was! Day 2 of dad being at work (a little over a half day) my energy tank was almost empty. I was excited to garden and plant the 16 flowers/bushes I purchased to refresh our landscape. I got ONE planted while daddy was at work. It was as if we wanted to switch places…he didn’t want to go to work and I did. It was this day, I realized something invaluable. When my little guy didn’t want me to walk away and dig all my stress into the solid clay ground, he snuggled right into my arms. As I looked at the photo I snapped of us at that moment, I wondered how long this would last. How long will he be content in my arms now and how long will this last as he ages. It was a wake-up call. God called me and chose me to be the mother of this child. What am I doing complaining about not getting anything done or feeling exhausted between nurturing him AND trying to get a million things done off my ongoing lists? How can I be STILL, be PRESENT? This is time that I'll never get back.

After planting one rose bush (out of 16 flowers to plant), I gave up... 

During quarantine, my husband and I started a quarantine series devotion called, “Daily Dose of the Dills” with 44 days or episodes on Here’s the Dill YouTube channel.  We both realized, we would have never had this time to grow in our faith together even more if it weren’t for Corona. We would have never been able to get ALL these projects completed if it weren’t for Corona. We would have never been able to watch our son GROW if it weren’t for Corona. In other words, if it weren’t for Corona, we probably would not have taken the time to be STILL. In fact, our marriage grew stronger, our trust in Him grew with an abundant of faith in our future (work + finances) and parenthood became even more of a blessing. 

I’ll be honest. During quarantine, I had days of frustration, where my patience was low and my energy tank was nearly empty. I couldn’t get anything done and then questioned myself a lot. Questioned my future, my career, my business. I was selfish. It didn’t take me long to realize, I’m a mother…I’m here to take care of my son. My husband and my own mother had to often remind me of the gift motherhood brings. Not necessarily shy me away from my drive to be successful but to soak in the moments that we don’t get back. In addition, I was thinking, this baby IS a miracle. My perspective changed as a mother each day I looked at him whether he was in a good mood or not. As he snuggled by my side, I looked at him and thought, “I need to absorb every bit of you little guy.” I’ve never been eager to watch him grow, eager to introduce him to all these new foods and more. I’m embarrassed It took me this long to connect with my son on a deeper level. I remember telling my husband recently, “I’m in mom mode so much, that I’m hyper focused on taking care or nurturing our child and attempting a million little things that I don’t take the time to be STILL, smell the roses, and absorb the joy of watching him develop.” Even random fear and anxiety disrupted my bond. It’s so easy for me to miss the emotional bond between mother and child, something I have yet to deeply experience. Until now. 

It was during the end of quarantine life (5.5 months postpartum) that I finally discovered the emotional bond and rooted my connection deep into his soul. I’ve given him so much tough love to promote his independence and suddenly found a soft spot. A spot where my heart bursts every morning I see his bright eyes, joyous smiles, and contagious laughter. A spot that allowed my heart to love harder and deeper. I can finally say, I never knew you could love a child so much and I never knew how much I’d want to be a part of his growth and development physically, mentally, and spiritually. 

I can finally say, “this mom thing is pretty cool and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.” I love spending each night telling him about how much we all love him, how much Jesus loves him. While dancing with him, I talk about the challenging world he lives in and prepare him the many times he will fall down. But, through Him, he will have strength to climb the mountains, swim across the sea, and soar on wings like eagles. Whispering to him about God's amazing love and to spread joy, His love, and respect everyone around him. “Baby Solomon, ride the wave and let your little light shine…”




***I rarely watch TV (I mean, how could I add that to my schedule), however, I watched a few documentaries on the days I had to run on the treadmill and one, not only motivated me but inspired me: Bethany Hamilton Unstoppable. Her perseverance through all the ups and downs is much relatable to the waves of motherhood…as mothers, we are unstoppable.***

**A special edition Mother’s Day Devotion recorded on my first Mother’s Day. A devotion focused on the many strong mother’s in the Bible days even those who faced infertility.**

*A dear friend of mine started mom blogging this year and although, I've heard many stories before, I enjoyed reading her honest but yet humorous adventures of motherhood. Worth sharing for all moms and a reminder we are not alone during this crazy ride: Mom Honesty.

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