Postpartum [Part I]: Recovery Revealed

NOTE: I’m going to be real, raw, and hold nothing back on these next series of posts, for postpartum is a topic that seems silent much like the topic of infertility. Reader’s discretion advised. Everyone’s recovery is different and therefore, what I share is my experience; however, I would hope that I can help some new mom-to-bes feel a little more prepared or at least have some tools on hand to trial. No matter how many moms we talk to or watch through the process, postpartum and motherhood is something that can’t be understood until you face it and live it J

From the delivery ward to the postpartum unit:

I could EAT!!! And boy, did I eat! Aside from all the discomfort down below, I have never been so happy to eat normal food and proportions more than what a bird would eat! I ordered a spread each morning for breakfast and my husband and I had dinner delivered from outside the hospital. You would think my eyes were bigger than my stomach, but my eyes were spot on for what my stomach needed! What I wasn’t ready for was the recovery down below. 

Each shift change, the nurse would come in and press on my stomach, check my bottom and between my legs. I have always been a modest girl, but felt like this birthing experience pitched all that out the window. I didn’t care because I didn’t want to look at anything down there! I preferred the professionals do their thing and tell me I’m doing better or it doesn’t look as bad as it feels. That’s what I wanted to hear. Then my nurse, mother-n-law asked how bad the tear was, “did it tear through to your rectum?” “Um, what?! I certainly hope not,” I said as I was sweating and getting nervous about the severity of the tear. My nurse happened to be in the room and said, “no, it’s a 3^rd degree tear.” I’m thinking, “isn’t that the worse?! Isn’t that the one through to the rectum.” Then she assured me that I didn’t have hemorrhoids and that there are worse levels of tear. Well, I had no idea there were 5 levels! I’ll take the 3^rd degree trauma which made me feel thankful it wasn’t worse. Dear mommas in postpartum recovery, time and patience is clearly required regardless of the level of birthing trauma to your bodies.  

While I was relieved to hear about my outcome, I still felt like I had a 4^th degree tear. I imagined a prolapsed rectum that felt like a donut and a shredded vagina. I asked for an ice pad every 2 hours, walked like I had a balloon between my legs and could only sit sideways. I was given these HUGE pads that I didn’t even know existed, mesh panties, Tucks, and a squirt bottle. I knew how to use all the above except for Tucks. I thought it was used to pat the butthole until later the nurse told me (exactly what the name says) “Tuck” it and leave it there. Oh, sheesh, I’m such a dum dum. Needless to say, I was taking in Ibuprofen and Colace around the clock. 

We had the nursery keep our baby between feedings at night and during the day he stayed with us for our family to visit and a couple friends who worked in the hospital. I also learned a lot about breastfeeding and this crucial time that the baby could get colostrum. My boobs weren’t big so I didn’t think I had much to offer him. Each time I fed him I felt like a gush of fluid would escape in the bed (or into my giant diaper pads). I thought I was peeing and the nurse informed me that it was fluid release from my uterus contracting each time I breastfed. I could barely make it to the bathroom in time when I felt like I had to pee or this gush of fluid was exiting! I’m thinking, “great, now I’m not going to be able to control my bladder!” Ultimately, it was all the aftermath of the uterus going back to normal and therefore, still a bloody show at least for a week or so. Well, I later found out it wasn’t just my bladder to be worried about. I got out of bed and felt a little air escape not from my upper end…but the bottom end and then I started to laugh which only made it worse. Luckily, my husband didn’t hear it nor did it stink. But, he was confused and I lost control of everything then explained, “oh my goodness, I don’t have control of my sphincter!” Because everything felt so out of order, I was scared for my first poop which unfortunately didn’t happen while in the hospital. I did sudently understand why we are immediately put on stool softeners. 

My husband was nothing short of amazing throughout this process. He took care of me and made sure I was fed and happy. He went home to take care our dog and his grooming appointment and apparently shopped for me. He brought back a new, nice winter jacket he thought I would need when were to get discharged. He also wanted me to come home a night early because he went home and was ready to have his family in the house. However, it was late and I was sure we couldn’t break through the doors without letting them know in advance. Plus, so many moms advised me to stay the full time because you don’t get that treatment at home (such as sleep, rest, and having nurses take care of the baby while sleeping). I have to admit, that holds true! The newborns sleep almost the full first 24 hours. Our baby, is one that has to be awakened to eat which I felt made it harder and took more time for feedings. They’d bring the baby every 3 hours and my husband would get him out and just admire his sweetness. He looked at me and said, “his cry is so cute.” I call that the honeymoon phase because I only knew that crying would wear on us over time. 

We were discharged after 2 days. We received an overwhelming amount of discharge instructions, but thankfully were given what seemed like a booklet of instructions. I asked if I could at least go for walks since I knew postpartum excludes exercising for at least 6 weeks or until our first OB appointment. The nurse looked at me funny, like that wasn’t happening and said, “well, maybe out to your mailbox and back.” I’m thinking, “seriously, that’s not even a walk!” I wasn’t given a hard “no” but learned later that I wouldn’t need that “no.” 

Our little boy passed all his assessments and screenings including his hearing screening and was circumcised. I was slightly concerned about his hearing just because I have hearing loss and even though we’ve always thought it was from meningitis, we never knew for sure because I didn’t have a newborn screening. It wasn’t offered in the 80s. His Apgar scores were almost a 10 (which they informed us no newborn ever come out with a 10). I was going with the flow on all his assessments and had secretly prepared for any abnormal outcomes.. 

The Homecoming

We arrived home for the first time as a family. I vividly remember pulling out of our neighborhood the night we left for the hospital and telling my husband, “this is the last time we leave the house as a couple with a dog.” And, here we are arriving with new life, a little human. Yet we had no idea what was ahead of us. We continued to take one day at a time. My parents made sure we had a good homecoming and had the outside of our house decorated with boy balloons and blue Hanukkah streamers. My mom couldn’t find any blue “it’s a boy” banners, so Hanukkah served the blue need. Happy Hanukkah to all our friends who are Jewish! We were all thrilled to be home. It was supposed to be a really cold day and ended up being a day full of sunshine and warmth. It was so nice, I was ready to get outside and walk. It didn’t take me long to realize why that nurse gave me a funny look and told me I could walk to the mailbox. 

Of course, as a new mom, I was paranoid
with everything about this carseat! 

The balloons and streamers...welcome home,

I turned around shortly after this photo was taken,
realizing, a walk is not that simple or enjoyable as it once was 3 days postpartum.

I was excited to be home with my family and spend time with my parents. My mom continued to cook some incredible and big meals for us before they left the next day. My mother-n-law even baked her dangerous goodies and prepped a meal for us. We had enough to last us through the week before my mom returned the following weekend. My mom took care of so much within the first day and half before they left (cooking, cleaning, laundry, hold baby, drive me around for errands, etc). I think she was slightly worried about leaving us for an entire week alone, but at the same time, felt comfort knowing how my husband takes very good care of me. 

I don’t think I was prepared for the continued recovery at home plus the work of motherhood ahead. 

Our first night home as a family and my mom's yummy cooking.