IVF got this [Part V]: Night before test

 

Taking each leg of the journey one day at a time and thanking God for one another and His strength to carry us through each day. 

If you’re just now starting to read this blog, refer to the beginning of our journey: It all started with infertility or start with Part I of the IVF got this series. Again, this is a sensitive topic for most and some do not feel comfortable sharing. Therefore, I hope some of the information brings a little comfort and peace to those facing uncertainty or fears or simply provide a little understanding to those that would like to learn more about the IVF process. This is a journey we choose to rely on faith and take one day at a time for we know we have no control over our future. Every person, every story is a testimony. We are all living miracles. Links are provided for additional information on resources and as always, talk to your doctor about any of your concerns or recommendations you hear about.

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THE TRANSFER

Prior to the transfer, I made sure I did everything I couldn’t do while pregnant (found some on forums or Facebook groups): hot bubble bath / steam showers, high intensity workouts including maxing out my sprints on a treadmill the night before, making manhattans (Kentucky Bourbon girl here), and strengthening with weights. One of my friends shipped me a very thoughtful gift) that included an IVF journal (knowing that I like to journal my journey) and “IVF got it: lucky transfer socks” (where I came up with the series title). After prepping my body and hormones for the Transfer Tuesday (this should be a #hashtag), I was ready. I had friends and family praying over us when we walked in that morning.  I was a little nervous yet slightly calm with the required full bladder They showed me a photo of our cute little embryo (although, I had no clue what I was looking at). They had me drinking more water then hit me up with Valium (something they give to relax the body and uterus). I looked at my husband and said, “I don’t feel anything” but then once I was on the table ready to go, I was feeling every tipsy, drowsy drop and watched the needle squirt out that little embryo we saw on paper. It was all of 45 seconds or less then I was kicked out again. We were sent home for another week or so of a waiting game and of course, on our way home…Krispy Kreme to the rescue again.  The rest of the day was a blur. I was put on bedrest thinking no way I’d sit still, but I slept most of the day. That next week and half, I kept busy and was given clearance for the elliptical machine and made regular gym dates with my husband to attack my insanity.  

NIGHT BEFORE “THE” TEST 

After the egg retrieval, the anticipation of waiting to hear the results was different. Hearing the stats and the fertilization process was fascinating. In fact, every step of the infertility journey and IVF process has been like waiting to hear your test results in school or waiting to hear if you won an award you worked so hard for, or waiting to open your gifts. While not every step was exciting, every step was a “hang on to the edge of your seat” kind of moment. I had no expectations for each leg of the journey. I was afraid to even have hope. I never allowed myself to look ahead, plan or even think about the future (despite being a planner and proactive health nut). I couldn’t even bring myself to Google what to expect when pregnant (after the transfer, I was to treat my body like it was pregnant) or what to eat / not eat, what to do/ not do. I felt so silly asking my doctor for her advice - I simply couldn’t look it up. I never allowed my emotions to get deep. We have 5 high quality embryos that I refuse to get attached to. Of course, I’m already thinking if we will have any left in the end and if so, how do we let go? We have already signed to have them donated and I’m sure we will be attached to them more when it comes to letting them go. But right now, I know God has a plan for each one of them.

Here I am the night before we find out about if that first embryo decided to stick it out for the adventurous journey. I don’t feel any different except that my butt HURTS...like my butt cheeks feel they’ve done a few too many rounds of glut strengthening and squats, they feel like the size of a Kardashian booty and solid as a rock (literally). The first week of progesterone shots in my booty, were rough. So rough, I would do anything else but shots when I could- even vaginal suppositories and enemas! After the transfer, they informed us that the shots would carry over to 12 weeks!! 12....weeks (I nearly stopped breathing)?! My husband and my stomachs dropped. I couldn’t sit on my tush. The slight brush of my messenger work bag would send me into an uncontrollable burst or screech. I needed grab bars and arm rests to ease myself to sit. The shots itself didn’t even make me wince but it was the 5 hours later that sent my body into impairment mode with flu like symptoms from waist down. I have pretty high pain tolerance and a prior cyst rupture was the only thing that has knocked me off my feet. Now the aftermath of these shots. Luckily, after the first week, I figured out massaging and yoga stretches right after the shot lessens the delayed aches and pain.

So here I am, wondering if this embryo doesn’t stick, that means, starting all over with the shots. The fact that I felt like my monthly cycle was coming on made me cringe. I fought frustration as I considered that the shots were pointless. But were they?