A beautiful mess



At 7:15 on my birthday morning, I woke up thanking God for giving me that 20% chance to live. For the 38 years of this beautiful, yet messy life. For giving me strength to get up when I fall. For the weaknesses and challenges that give me courage because I had to discover new routes - new routes that I had NO idea even existed. For all the people that have crossed my path - my family, my friends, passerby’s and strangers and those that are still walking this path with me. God, I don’t know what trick you have up your sleeve, but this journey has been pretty exhilarating to say the least. I have no idea what I’ve signed up for, no idea where I’m going, or how much longer I have to live but this life…is a joyous ride. Why is this so exciting and a joyous ride one may ask?

For starters, I’m alive. I’m well and looking back, how did I even get here?! Let me put it this way, the old wives’ tale of getting older and wiser is really a thing. I feel that I’m growing humble with age. Life is messy. The world is messy. No one is perfect and neither am I. God had a trick up his sleeve when I surpassed the 80% odds of dying. I didn’t know much about God at that age, but the strength He gave me to open my eyes and learn my developmental motor skills again - is enough for me to believe He has been with me and armored me every step of the way - even through the challenges of living with permanent hearing loss, my gray and shaded days of my late teens to early twenties, all my sins, all my anger, all my pain, all the mess. Because of this evidence, I know He will never leave me. I know I will ride the greatest coaster of all times and still step off on adrenaline high knowing that no matter how different I am, how overwhelmed I feel, or how low my stomach falls…I will ride high. 

Needless to say, at 38, I’m feeling great. The fact that I have the strength and endurance to run 6+ miles outside with the fresh, crisp air on my birthday, is a blessing I certainly do not take for granted. And while I’m still working on self-confidence and probably will every day, I believe I’m a beautiful mess. I’m a work in progress and completely okay with whatever tricks God has up his sleeve for my 38th year of life. 

Whoever you are, wherever you are…believe too, that you are a beautiful mess designed by the Creator with a purpose. 

*My mother’s birthday message on this day, inspired me even more after I woke up and read her Facebook post. Thank you, Mom. 

Quote of the day: “Some of you are losing your minds about something God has already worked out.” ~ David Hawkins, Pastor of Living The Word Church

Bible verse of the day: Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ~ Ephesians 6:10-11 

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